Many of my friends have the slightest idea on what I am talking about.
YEAR : 2002
LOCATION : TERRACE OF MY HOUSE
SITUATION : Physics board exam is to start in 3 hours
When you turn back (your life), you have been doing hell a lot of preparation for this judgment day for exactly a year till now. This is the first of the 3 major papers that I had to fight against. Chemistry and Mathematics were to follow. But the one that is to commence in a very few hours is the one that is to decide my fate, as I have had this special affinity for the subject. It then took quite a lot of years for me to realize this affinity. May be it was due to the Theory of Relativity that it followed me wherever I went, and created a special scar on my face.
Over the year, I would have given at least a zillion tests and there is nothing new about it. On a brief statistical note, I have shown excellent and highly inconsistent variation. I have touched all cadres right from 'Very Poor' to 'Very Good' but the total highlight is the fact that I was consistently poor in Physics. Every time I enter the house, or when my relatives see me, the first question that they ask me is, 'How much in Physics?'. Sounds funny right now but not during those days.
Imagine, if you have scored 5 consecutive ducks (zeros) against Bangladesh, and now you are entering the Eden Gardens stadium in a match against Australia, your team score is 20 for 4 wickets, chasing an easy target of 320. All the BCCI selectors are sitting in the VIP boxes, watching you play now. They have surely made up their mind to decide your presence based on today's performance. My situation is the same right now, sitting in the terrace with the book in my hand. My mind was going through some thoughts like,
With all mixed emotions, I geared up for the examination in my gear-less bicycle. The feeling was very strange and different. The traffic, heat, pressure, you get a feeling that the whole world is monitoring you. Soon did I reached the examination center (had to go to a different school) and parked my bike. This is the best part. The time you enter the place, there are these million other kids sharing the same emotions. At least this feeling keeps you better.
After all the bird watching and gazing, it was time for serious business. Board Exam. No joke. Having crossed the stage now, it might look sweet, but I can bet that every person can remember those mighty heart beats. This is the time when your peers get to validate you if you have covered all the topics that they think are important. Trust me, this can boost as well as pull down your confidence level. All depends on fate. The negative aspect of this discussion happened to me. These folks were talking about a few topics under Nuclear Physics that they thought are mighty important. I am pretty sure I have cracked these at least a bunch of times before but suddenly a negative thought started creeping into my head. My mind told me that I don't remember them properly, and, I might probably lose the hang of it, if these topics were to come.
Another ghost came inside and started killing me specifying that I MIGHT not become an engineer if these topics under Nuclear Physics end up hitting me. Heights of tension and panic came under way. (Make use of some fancy Operation Theater BGMs when you are visualizing this). The feeling was like you were into some drugs or something. My head was rolling.
YEAR : 2002
LOCATION : TERRACE OF MY HOUSE
SITUATION : Physics board exam is to start in 3 hours
When you turn back (your life), you have been doing hell a lot of preparation for this judgment day for exactly a year till now. This is the first of the 3 major papers that I had to fight against. Chemistry and Mathematics were to follow. But the one that is to commence in a very few hours is the one that is to decide my fate, as I have had this special affinity for the subject. It then took quite a lot of years for me to realize this affinity. May be it was due to the Theory of Relativity that it followed me wherever I went, and created a special scar on my face.
Over the year, I would have given at least a zillion tests and there is nothing new about it. On a brief statistical note, I have shown excellent and highly inconsistent variation. I have touched all cadres right from 'Very Poor' to 'Very Good' but the total highlight is the fact that I was consistently poor in Physics. Every time I enter the house, or when my relatives see me, the first question that they ask me is, 'How much in Physics?'. Sounds funny right now but not during those days.
Can't they inquire about my marks in English or cannot they ask me how many runs I scored in my cricket match? Or about any movie that i watched?Indian parents and teachers are like this. What to do?
Imagine, if you have scored 5 consecutive ducks (zeros) against Bangladesh, and now you are entering the Eden Gardens stadium in a match against Australia, your team score is 20 for 4 wickets, chasing an easy target of 320. All the BCCI selectors are sitting in the VIP boxes, watching you play now. They have surely made up their mind to decide your presence based on today's performance. My situation is the same right now, sitting in the terrace with the book in my hand. My mind was going through some thoughts like,
If I don't perform extremely well, my dreams of becoming an engineer is definitely going to be only a dream. Then there is no point in attending the remaining exams as well.Suddenly my mom came to the terrace to enquire what I was doing and wanted to make sure if my preparation went on well. I replied saying,
Not sure if I have prepared well. Can I tell you something? I don't think I will return home if the exam doesn't turn out to be good. There is a bridge on the way. May be you can search for me there (underneath), If you think I hadn't returned home or something.And mom started consoling me. Blah Blah.....
With all mixed emotions, I geared up for the examination in my gear-less bicycle. The feeling was very strange and different. The traffic, heat, pressure, you get a feeling that the whole world is monitoring you. Soon did I reached the examination center (had to go to a different school) and parked my bike. This is the best part. The time you enter the place, there are these million other kids sharing the same emotions. At least this feeling keeps you better.
After all the bird watching and gazing, it was time for serious business. Board Exam. No joke. Having crossed the stage now, it might look sweet, but I can bet that every person can remember those mighty heart beats. This is the time when your peers get to validate you if you have covered all the topics that they think are important. Trust me, this can boost as well as pull down your confidence level. All depends on fate. The negative aspect of this discussion happened to me. These folks were talking about a few topics under Nuclear Physics that they thought are mighty important. I am pretty sure I have cracked these at least a bunch of times before but suddenly a negative thought started creeping into my head. My mind told me that I don't remember them properly, and, I might probably lose the hang of it, if these topics were to come.
Another ghost came inside and started killing me specifying that I MIGHT not become an engineer if these topics under Nuclear Physics end up hitting me. Heights of tension and panic came under way. (Make use of some fancy Operation Theater BGMs when you are visualizing this). The feeling was like you were into some drugs or something. My head was rolling.
LOCATION : EXAM HALL
SITUATION : Question paper has just been issued
Straight away scanned through the section where disaster probably could happen. And it did happen. All those topics discussed outside had their place in the paper. Holy dashhh. Now what can i possibly do? Start thinking about other career options? Or should I start planning for my long summer vacations? Act as if I fainted?
I would have easily wasted some 5 minutes thinking of all these crap. Finally, I started thing sensibly and began with the answers, even though the confidence level, energy and speed were absolutely slow.
At the end of 3 hours, I came out of the exam hall in a super pissed mood, having realized the fact that I omitted 24 marks out of 150. ( and 50 marks were for internals) So, even if the person with the least evaluation skills happened to take a look into my paper and if he provided full marks to everything that I had attended, I would get a total score of 176 ONLY, out of 200.
I cursed fate more than myself. That is all you could possibly do. I spoke to nobody outside, started thinking positively and promised myself that I would get cent percent in the next two papers. Came outside and notice that my cycle wasn't there. I repeat. "MY BICYCLE WAS MISSING !!!!!!"
Just when your heart beat started getting back to neutral, there is a sudden shift to the fifth gear. Horrible. This is surely not your day when it happens this way. Back home, there are a million relatives of yours spread wide across the globe, waiting to know how you did the paper. And you are going to give them a bigger surprise. Fantastic ain't?
I would have searched for the bike for nearly one hour then, with a mild possibility that some of my friends might have played some kind of a prank or something. But that wasn't the case here. Sooner, I realized that I have spent an hour after the exam, without returning home, and you have bloody given all possible dialogues asking them to search for you under the ditches and bridges. What would they possibly be thinking now?
After a hard fight for a few more minutes, I gave up and decided to get back home, instead of strengthening the panic. It was very evident that someone has stolen my bicycle. All I did then was to lodge a complaint at the school administration, and then got back home in a very deeply dejected manner. I was almost into tears as I neared home. The first thing the folks in my house asked as soon as I entered the house was about the exam. I responded to them saying that I lost the bicycle. The beautiful reaction that they gave to this, is what amazed me and I can never forget that. They actually did not react to that at all. They repeated their question about how I did my exam. My answers then followed. I got consoled very well and they asked me to perform well in the next exams, rather than worrying about what happened.
I rejected my offer for lunch. Went inside my room and was into tears, thinking about the whole drama. It was fate's worst foul play. Thinking about that again and again was all the more irritating. Suddenly I got a call from friend on the land line and when I attended that, my friend told me that he happened to know that there is some film shooting happening in a road that is a few meters away and also told that actor Madhavan (Maddy) was there in it.
My eyes got super wide. Tears got dried up all of a sudden. It was a mind blowing info at that situation. Maddy was our favorite actor during that time. I don't know what happened after that. I was at the shooting spot the very next minute, with the physics question paper on my hand. I and my friend happily observed his acting (also Meera Jasmine, the female lead). After a few minutes, I got an autograph from Maddy on the backside of my physics question paper. He smiled at me and said 'All the best'. Woahhh. What a moment!! I have still preserved that autograph safely. :-)
It was truly a day of mixed events. Having attended 176 marks out of 200, I got 174 and quite an achievement it was.
My fear for physics followed me wherever i went. Even in my engineering degree, I happened to clear my first semester physics paper in the third attempt only. What was more trivial was the fact that I attempted the paper along with my younger brother during the third and final attempt. My whole department of teachers and students knew about this and used to make fun of me. During any lecture in any time of my four year course, if the world 'physics' was ever read out, the whole bunch of 60 people used to turn at me and have a good laugh. In fact, a few of my friends claimed that I should be given a dual degree of B Tech in Information Technology and a PhD in Physics. How ironic?
